Patience and Grace
Growing up, my brothers' nickname for me was "Grace" because of my notable lack of it. Patience would also have been appropriate. I am not known for exceptional patience. I usually set my mind to something pretty quick and do what needs to be done to make it happen.
This week I am praying, begging for both patience and grace. My cheery start to the new year has been significantly damped today by my unreasonable and disgusting jealousy of those families just approved to travel to adopt their children. Every single day matters in an orphan's life and I don't wish any child one more day in orphanage or foster care. Every day they are at risk for illness, malnutrition, poor health, abuse, no education. Every waiting family needs to bring their kids home now.
So, why can't we?! Family after family after family with our agency and others who got referrals LONG after we did (I'm talking 9 months to a year or more!) have recently traveled or are now about to travel for their children. Here we sit and nothing has changed in the now almost 19 months from referral or almost 15 months since our family dossier was first approved at the federal level.
What is most difficult is that we thought we did everything right. We did our research, went with the most reputable agency, accepted a referral more than a year before a possible closure of the country from a province that appears beyond reproach. Yet, we know several families in Vietnam who received referrals in mid 2008 from an agency dealing with a questionable orphanage and a high rate of seriously young babies being placed who got the all clear and who are now with their children. This is incomprehensible to me. How wonderful for their families and new children. How insanely unfair for mine.
Nothing has prepared us for the pain of this wait. What must it be doing to our son? He has heard since July 2007 that we are coming. How can a 5 year old comprehend that his family has not arrived? It has been a year already next month since his foster sister came home to the U.S. How will he ever forgive us for not coming sooner?! I can't pray any more about this. I am prayed out. Even our rector told me I can't become a monk so stop trying. (God bless him!).
We were told our son's file was sent in December for "investigation" and that it came back "OK" within a week. We were told that the next step should be approval which would still put travel 3-4 months away. Today we were told that a number of files that went out for investigation and came back "OK" are being sent for more investigation. What?!!!!!! Why didn't they do all this investigation before making these referrals? Why did we get an official referral prior to the closure if everything wasn't ready to go? What are they investigating now that they couldn't investigate in the last 15 months? Has the decision already been made not to let this child be adopted and no one is willing to tell us?
If you have some answers or guidance, please share it. If not, please pray for us to keep waiting and believing with patience and grace.
This week I am praying, begging for both patience and grace. My cheery start to the new year has been significantly damped today by my unreasonable and disgusting jealousy of those families just approved to travel to adopt their children. Every single day matters in an orphan's life and I don't wish any child one more day in orphanage or foster care. Every day they are at risk for illness, malnutrition, poor health, abuse, no education. Every waiting family needs to bring their kids home now.
So, why can't we?! Family after family after family with our agency and others who got referrals LONG after we did (I'm talking 9 months to a year or more!) have recently traveled or are now about to travel for their children. Here we sit and nothing has changed in the now almost 19 months from referral or almost 15 months since our family dossier was first approved at the federal level.
What is most difficult is that we thought we did everything right. We did our research, went with the most reputable agency, accepted a referral more than a year before a possible closure of the country from a province that appears beyond reproach. Yet, we know several families in Vietnam who received referrals in mid 2008 from an agency dealing with a questionable orphanage and a high rate of seriously young babies being placed who got the all clear and who are now with their children. This is incomprehensible to me. How wonderful for their families and new children. How insanely unfair for mine.
Nothing has prepared us for the pain of this wait. What must it be doing to our son? He has heard since July 2007 that we are coming. How can a 5 year old comprehend that his family has not arrived? It has been a year already next month since his foster sister came home to the U.S. How will he ever forgive us for not coming sooner?! I can't pray any more about this. I am prayed out. Even our rector told me I can't become a monk so stop trying. (God bless him!).
We were told our son's file was sent in December for "investigation" and that it came back "OK" within a week. We were told that the next step should be approval which would still put travel 3-4 months away. Today we were told that a number of files that went out for investigation and came back "OK" are being sent for more investigation. What?!!!!!! Why didn't they do all this investigation before making these referrals? Why did we get an official referral prior to the closure if everything wasn't ready to go? What are they investigating now that they couldn't investigate in the last 15 months? Has the decision already been made not to let this child be adopted and no one is willing to tell us?
If you have some answers or guidance, please share it. If not, please pray for us to keep waiting and believing with patience and grace.
posted by Our Family at
6:24 PM
11 Comments:
Prayers for peace, strength, courage and patience coming your way!! I don't have answers, but I do have prayers! {{HUGS}}
MaryLi you are an amazing woman! I'm right here for you. I wish I was more of a help. Many prayers for your family and Hunter!
When you can no longer pray, that is when others will hold you up in prayer. It breaks my heart to read these blogs of families who have been waiting SO long. I KNOW how difficult the delays are. I pray that God will minister to you in a special way during this time as he did for me. It was SO HARD, but now I can see it was also a special time too, because our God was SO faithful during that time.
I can't even begin to imagine how frustrated you must be at this point. We're hoping and praying that you finally get some good news soon. It's been much too long.
I'm very sorry for your disheartening news. Many prayers to you and your family. I hope you hear something very soon.
Mary Li,
We are here for you and will continue to pray. I know how difficult this is for you. I wish I knew what else we could do to bring our children home. Sending you love, hugs, prayers, and support...
Annette
I love what Anne said. Know that we lift you and all the other waiting families and kids up in prayer everyday. ((hugs))
Mary Li,
I actually read your post two days ago and went to comment but didn't know what to say.
I still don't. All I can think of is we have to keep our eyes on hope. We must. We will help to hold you up in prayers because right now you are prayer exhausted--that is okay because we are all going to pray even longer and harder.
When Hunter comes home he will be told all the stories of how so many people prayed--friends, family and total strangers--and Hunter will forever know how very much he was loved even before his feet hit US soil. What a joyous day that will be!
Life can be so unfair. The longer I live the less I understand, but this I know--
Hunter is loved . . . and so are you.
Hugs from afar . . .
You are in my prayers for continued patience and grace.
I think you are a very strong person and have handled your wait a million times better than many would. I continue to pray for Hunter as well.
I look forward to hearing some positve news in a few weeks on this additional investigation.
Suzanne in MI
I can't even imagine the wait and disappointment you have endured. I am with you when you receive the official placement letter the paperwork should be in order, no questions. We received our referral June 08, and our official letter July 08. In November we received a letter that our baby is not eligible for adoption due to orgin not being able to clarified??? and we wait and wait to find out what can be done. This is a heart wrenching process, and the worst is that we have no control over what happens. I believe that all we can do is pray that Gods plan is worked out and that he didnt lead us down this road for nothing, He has a purpose I know. I will keep you in my prayers sometimes when we get so down is when God sends something that brings us up.
Prayers,
Cheryl F
We continue to pray that you all are with Hunter soon. While I can't answer the questions you asked and I wish I could, it is all in His timing. We waited 4 years total through the mess before God finally gave us our first child. Hang in there!
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