The New Normal
The end of the school year for Lily and Marshall is upon us and we were waiting for things to start to feel normal around here again. We could do with lots less screaming and crying from Lily every day, less teasing from Hung of his siblings and less closed bedroom doors from Marshall. We could use a full night's sleep with out Lily having a stomach ache or coming in the room just because. We could use some way to deal better with the stress. Adopting a 6 year old is MUCH different than adopting an 18 month old. And did I mention that Hung is as headstrong, smart and independent as his younger sister?
News flash courtesy of our fellow Dong Nai adoption friends - the old "normal" isn't coming back! What?! We liked the old normal (minus the awful wait for Lily and then for Hung!). We've been home 6 weeks and we kind of knew this in our hearts but didn't want to admit it to ourselves. According to the Morris family, who have "been there, done that" with 6 beautiful children, what we need to aim for is a "new normal" after adding a child to the family. Rob gave us a great analogy. Adding a child to a family is like putting a new object on the mobile that hangs over a baby crib - it throws the whole thing off kilter for a while until it eventually stabilizes. May not look like what it did before but it still works.
So, we try to use the screaming, crying, loud arguing between Hung and Lily as teaching moments. We keep trying to coax Marshall that he needs to spend time with his door open if he ever wants to trust his siblings. We continue to be patient with Hung's incessant boasting and teasing. Yes - we asked for it and yes we are so very grateful Hung is home. Although integrating him into the family is a challenge, it is so worth it. Yesterday he said his first complete unprompted 4 word sentence, "Mom, please go away!!" I think I was trying to get him to share something. :)
Today on the phone he told me for the first time in Vietnamese "Mom, I love you." Yes - things will settle out and be o.k.- in fact, very good. Congratulations to Marshall - our new middle schooler! Elementary school is officially over.
Lily at her end of the year pre-school circus
Clowning around with big brother
Lily with Ms. Graddy, her pre-school teacher
Hung with visiting neighbor Caleb who let Hung drive his Jeep! Not surprisingly, Hung tuned the car radio to a salsa station! The boy loves salsa music! He constantly turns to the TV to the salsa music channel.
Marshall gets the "Best Questions" Award from his teacher. Later we went to the beach with his class to celebrate the end of elementary school. Thanks to Granma Donna who watched Hung and Lily as her present to Marshall.
Marshall and his best buddy, Max on the last day of school.
What Hung and Lily look like together 30-40 percent of the time. You don't want to see the 60-70% photo!
News flash courtesy of our fellow Dong Nai adoption friends - the old "normal" isn't coming back! What?! We liked the old normal (minus the awful wait for Lily and then for Hung!). We've been home 6 weeks and we kind of knew this in our hearts but didn't want to admit it to ourselves. According to the Morris family, who have "been there, done that" with 6 beautiful children, what we need to aim for is a "new normal" after adding a child to the family. Rob gave us a great analogy. Adding a child to a family is like putting a new object on the mobile that hangs over a baby crib - it throws the whole thing off kilter for a while until it eventually stabilizes. May not look like what it did before but it still works.
So, we try to use the screaming, crying, loud arguing between Hung and Lily as teaching moments. We keep trying to coax Marshall that he needs to spend time with his door open if he ever wants to trust his siblings. We continue to be patient with Hung's incessant boasting and teasing. Yes - we asked for it and yes we are so very grateful Hung is home. Although integrating him into the family is a challenge, it is so worth it. Yesterday he said his first complete unprompted 4 word sentence, "Mom, please go away!!" I think I was trying to get him to share something. :)
Today on the phone he told me for the first time in Vietnamese "Mom, I love you." Yes - things will settle out and be o.k.- in fact, very good. Congratulations to Marshall - our new middle schooler! Elementary school is officially over.
Lily at her end of the year pre-school circus
Clowning around with big brother
Lily with Ms. Graddy, her pre-school teacher
Hung with visiting neighbor Caleb who let Hung drive his Jeep! Not surprisingly, Hung tuned the car radio to a salsa station! The boy loves salsa music! He constantly turns to the TV to the salsa music channel.
Marshall gets the "Best Questions" Award from his teacher. Later we went to the beach with his class to celebrate the end of elementary school. Thanks to Granma Donna who watched Hung and Lily as her present to Marshall.
Marshall and his best buddy, Max on the last day of school.
What Hung and Lily look like together 30-40 percent of the time. You don't want to see the 60-70% photo!
posted by Our Family at
5:05 PM
5 Comments:
Ah, yes, the new normal. You've noticed I haven't posted many pictures since we've been home! So, I really get the percentages. But, things do get better and the mobile does work again. It's taken us about 7 months now. Hang in there!
Love,
Carol
Ah, yes, the "new normal." I remember going through this when Autumn was first home; "when will things ever be normal again." So hard and I can't imagine how hard it is with subsequent children. I don't think Autumn will take "sharing" Mommy and Daddy very well when we add to our family next. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
Praying it'll normalize soon!
Thanks for sharing and giving us a heads up. I hope the new normal settles in quickly. Still thinking of you and praying for your transition as a family.
Love,
Annette
We can all imagine the other 60-70% photos because we live them, too!
Dear Mary Li,
I want to encourage you that the new normal will get easier and easier.
I was talking to a PAP last week who is in process for adopting an older child. I said what I've said to lots of people, "Adopting Vu is the hardest thing I've ever done but it's also the most rewarding." Then, I had to re-evaluate what I had just said because I realized that it's not hard anymore. I wondered--when did it stop being hard? It's been a long time since it's been difficult and as I thought about it, I found it difficult to remember when it quit being so. Now, it feels quite easy. Quite. It feels a lot like the old normal--only better.
So, there you have it--18 months post adopt. Was it ever really difficult? Funny how God gives us amnesia in the birth of a child!
Love hearing updates on Hunter!
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