Big Boy School!

Since Hunter came home in April, we have driven past his elementary school almost every day. It was Marshall's bus stop last year and we visited the office several times in May trying to get Hung registered for kindergarten and make sure he would be evaluated for ESOL (English for Speakers of Other Languages) services. In Vietnam, Hung attended a school from 8 am to 5 pm every day and loved it. He did not understand why Marshall went to "big boy school" but he didn't. All summer long, every day, with great expectation I heard - "Momma - Hung, big boy school? Why not, momma? Why?!" He made it very clear he was not so pleased to attend Lily's pre-school at the end of summer. While he enjoyed every minute of it and did very well, he longed for "big boy school."



Well, this week he got his wish. At last! Kindergarten! We met the teacher on Monday and toured the classroom and talked to the new ESOL teachers. On Tuesday morning we waited for almost 20 minutes before Hunter's teacher opened the door to class. While we waited, he pointed to the front of the school and told me "You go, Mom! I big boy!"



Good thing he could not read my thoughts. He is just a little boy who doesn't know the language all that well, who has no friends yet at this school, who doesn't know the routine at this school yet. He can't say his teacher's name (which has the three consonants he struggles with the most!). He doesn't know our home address, phone number and can't yet write his last name. He doesn't know how I longed for him for 22 months, how I pray for his adjustment everyday and worry whether other kids will pick on him at school and how he will fit in.



Hunter, full of big boy bravado, literally almost knocked his new teacher down trying to push past her to be the first one in the door. She held him back to tell the kids to put their things in their cubbies and have a seat at the tables with puzzles. He raced into the room, gave a quick look back and said "Bye, Mom." Big boy school is on!



Marshall too has begun a new educational adventure. Middle school! So far, he seems to be loving it although we had a minor crisis this morning when Marshall thought he had lost his school map. Never mind that I have his schedule written in 3 places or that all of his classes but 1 are in a 6th grade wing within 30 seconds of each other. Marshall is an exceptionally bright student but he is as obsessive about being on time as his mother and does not like being lost. To compound the problem, our school board, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that one day a week, all the kids in the county will have early release and for some reason, the middle school will have rotating periods. But not in order. The schedule for every day of the week is different. I'd be panicked too. I'm glad I am not in middle school. It may be worse than law school!

Sweet Lily was pretty sad the first day without "brother Hunter" at school but her best friend has returned after a long summer absence so she is once again loving going to school.

In other news, at long last - we have a dock!!! 4 years ago when we contemplated buying this house from my brother, I told Jim that I wasn't interested unless we were going to build a dock. Well, 4 years and 2 adoptions later, we finally saved enough to do it and it was completed last week. Of course it has been pouring almost every day since it was completed or our very raucous renting neighbors behind us have decided they need to blast the neighborhood with a combination of sleazy rap, country or bad 70s music. (The house is being bought from the bank and hopefully the hoons are out this week!) So - no photo of our completed dock yet.

Look who God sent to my front door Tuesday afternoon before I had to go pick up the kids! Maybe He thought I was feeling the pangs of an empty nest!

From our gardenMy favorite photo of the month - Lily and our good neighbor waiting for our dock to be completed. (No, Lily was not drinking Pat's beer!)

Bye, Ed

This week a dear friend, Ed Orio, passed away. His family did not publish an obituary that I could find so this is mine for him.


The miraculous and wonderful thing is that I had the chance to see him in Memphis only 2 weeks ago. A little over 3 weeks ago, a partner in the firm's Charlotte office asked me who might be the appropriate person from our office to go with him to try and secure business from a Memphis based company. I asked who he was meeting with and told him that maybe I knew someone in the legal department since I went to undergrad and grad school in Memphis. I was not the person he had originally selected to make this trip but the person he asked had other commitments. He asked if I would go.

Ed lived in Memphis and I immediately wrote him when I knew I would be flying in on Thursday and be available to stay the weekend. I have other friends in town that I really should spend time with but it was really Ed I wanted to see. 23 years ago we lived in the same condo complex and, along with my then boss Carol (who encouraged me to go to law school), we became fast friends. Ed never married but had a vast circle of friends. He helped thousands of students at Memphis State designing their graduate school programs. He remained a very active alum of his college fraternity and was a huge supporter of Memphis State basketball. Despite his many activities and social connections, he always managed to make me feel like I was the most special person in his life when I was with him. He and Carol were at my wedding to Jim 7 years ago and although we didn't talk often, every time we did it, was as if no time had passed.

When I contacted Ed 3 weeks ago, he told me he was supposed to be visiting friends in Indiana when I was coming but he was having a biopsy and depending on the results, he might be in Memphis. He would not tell me what was wrong because he really didn't know himself. He found out a few days later that he had terminal liver cancer with a tumor that was inoperable. He told me "good news - I'll be here when you come and I'll tell you what is going on when you get here." He thought he had about a year to live but there was a new drug they wanted to try to shrink his tumor. It cost $4000 a month and his insurance wold not cover the initial months. His doctors were trying to get the drug company or a non-profit to subsidize the treatments.


God knew that Ed and I needed to see each other one last time. He put us both in Memphis out of the blue. We met for dinner on Friday and talked, laughed, ate, reminisced. He said he was not in any pain. He was very yellow so I knew it was bad but he was the same wonderful Ed. Ed always called me "Babe" with his deep baritone and being with him, I remembered how much I loved that. We had our favorite cheese enchiladas at Molly's and laughed about how I always seem to drop food on myself and how his old dog Dudley bit me in the hip one time and made me afraid of Afghan hounds. He took me to where we used to live. He came back to the hotel and we sat up talking about books and movies and artists and his friends. On Saturday we went to breakfast, he drove me around MSU and Rhodes. We went to the book store and then picked up Carol. We headed downtown to Mud Island and to the Rendezvous for ribs. We drove around mid-town, marveled at the architecture, caught up. Again we laughed and told each other how much we meant to each other and we talked about getting together at the beach in the fall. It was not a good bye visit. I think we all fully expected to see each other again very soon.



Last Saturday, the toxins built up in his body to a point where it affected his brain. He apparently fell into a coma at home and was found Sunday morning. The doctors assured his friends that he did not feel any pain. He passed with his fraternity brothers, dear friends and his sister keeping vigil. I got the call Monday from his very close friend, Joe. I haven't seen or spoken to Joe in at least 20 years but he knew I was special to Ed just as I know about all the special people in Ed's life even though I never met most of them. Dottie - he loved working with you. Beverly - he adored you and your children. Joe and Gary - he loved your trips to St. Louis with Carol at Christmas. Joe, Ed talked on and on about your new dog. Tony and Michelle - Ed was so proud of the two of you and was looking forward to your wedding in a few months. Carol, he loved your sophistication and smarts and your down to earth temperament and sense of humor.

Ed had very high expectations of people but he loved his friends deeply. He did everything with gusto. He loved good food, good music, good art. He loved his school, his town, his family, his co-workers. He introduced me to Mozart and Pavarrati, George Rodrigue and gourmet large crystal brown sugar. He wasn't wild about children but he loved my Marshall. He loved his post-retirment job as the train conductor at the Memphis zoo. He loved the Mid-south fair and tolerated my passion for corn dogs and the freak show. He loved his dog, Dudley the biter, and the dogs of his friends. He loved Halloween as much or more than me. Usually 60-90 days before Halloween, we would start sending each other Halloween cards and treats. Who will do that with me this year? Ed simply loved life in a big way.

Best of all, Ed loved me. My life is so much richer for knowing him. When my time comes, I know Ed will be waiting for me with bear hug and a "Hey, Babe!" Goodbye dear friend, I miss you already.

Fish Eyes and Falling

When we were in Vietnam, we had the good fortune to be able to take a 2 day cruise on Halong Bay on a junk boat. This was one of the highlights of the trip for us. The karst mountains rising like the backs of dragons out of a calm misty sea are exactly like every beautiful painting of the region you have seen. We took this little side trip 6 days after meeting and adopting Hunter and its where we started really learning who he is. He was fascinated by our shipmate John’s cellular phone. He spoke non-stop in clear Vietnamese to our young guide who had the patience of a saint. He cautiously watched Marshall play video games from a distance and willingly played tea party with Lily and another patient young man from England. It was on this boat he pitched his first full blown screaming, crying and kicking fit when Jim tried to put him down for a nap. It was his first time on a boat and his first swim in the ocean. We also learned that Hunter loves what is apparently a delicacy in Vietnam – fish eyes!

We were served really wonderful meals on the boat (thank you tour operator Kangaroo Café based in Hanoi) but the most memorable was dinner with a whole broiled fish. Yes, it was served with the head on. Hung watched anxiously as we and the other guests served ourselves beautiful white flaky filets. He ate his with little interest but kept staring at the fish head. He quietly tugged at Jim and pointed to the fish eyes and back to himself. We finally realized he wanted the eyes. When Jim gave him the go ahead, Hunter dug them out and popped them in his mouth so fast, we didn’t have time to be horrified. He then slunk to the other tables to ask our travels mates if he could have theirs. We were traveling with people from England, Ireland and Australia. None of us were too keen on looking at or eating the eyes.

Flash forward to two nights ago. Hunter, Lily and I stopped at a new fish market on the way home. It backs up to the bay and boats dock and unload their fresh catch throughout the day. The owner convinced me to try a fresh hog fish and he passed it to someone in the back to filet for me. I saw Hunter closely examining all the fish. “Would you like the eyes?” I asked. Hunter’s entire face lit up and he nodded vigorously – “yes, Momma!” The owner was nonplussed by my strange request and his filet guy came out to verify that yes, I really wanted the eyes and would take what he could give me. He promptly handed me a bag of about 12 eyes. I quickly put them in the bag with the other fish and tried not to think about it. No, they couldn’t tell me how to cook fish eyes but suggested the Internet. I “Asked Jeeves” and he doesn’t know how to cook them either! Apparently they are normally cooked as part of the fish and not on their own. My dear husband said he would make the eyeballs and he broiled them with olive oil , salt and pepper. Marshall gagged and had to get up from the table. I had to look away but Jim and Lily watched in fascination as the boy gleefully ate one after another, sucking the eye from the cartilage. He thought it was great fun to put the empty round cartilage on his fingers like rings. “Momma – eyes SO good!” he exclaimed repeatedly. “Eyes – Awesome” he said as he gave us several thumbs up. And no, Hunter would not share them when Jim jokingly asked him, “Some for Daddy?”

After dinner we went for a walk. He insisted on holding my hand. Several times he looked up at me and very earnestly said, “Momma, thank you! Eyes good!” and rubbed his tummy. When we got home and he was ready for bed, he climbed into bed and laid on my stomach and again said thank you. I made my son feel like a special prince and he was so very grateful. I earned at least 100 good Mommy points that night.

I am falling more in love with this child every day. Who knew – fish eyes would solidify our bond? I have a feeling they will be saying, "here comes that eyeball lady again!” at our local fish market. Ah...the things we do for love!