Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving! We hope you celebrated with friends and family and good food! We did!

Last week we had a "feast" at Lily's school. She was an Indian and her class performed two Thanksgiving songs. Our performer practiced the song at home for two weeks and told us she would sing loud and proud. When her class marched out, she was at the back of the line with her head hung low. She did not sing a note. As we and other parents called her name, she turned her head away. When she headed back to the class after the songs, she spotted Daddy and ran to his arms. he scooped her up and she sobbed into his shoulder, "I'm frightened!"

It took a piece of pie with her best friend Gabi to get her to calm down and enjoy the feast. Simply adorable. Last week, while our friends in northern climes were visiting apple orchards, we visited our local orange grove/wildlife preserve. Check out Marshall wrapped with a 10 foot albino python!

We are so blessed with these two amazing children. We hope they will soon be joined by their brother Hunter.

Our Indian Princess, much happier full of pie.


What do you do with a 10 foot albino python wrapped around your neck? Be VERY careful!

Optimism is Over-rated

Or...one step forward, two steps back - the story of this adoption. Today we got truly wonderful news. The U.S. Embassy in Hanoi notified us that Hung has preliminary visa clearance! He is an "orphan" pursuant to US and international law and we have US approval to go to Vietnam to complete the adoption. For those counting, it took 28 working days for USCIS to approve our application from receipt until determination. This is a huge relief because for many families, this can be sticking point or preclude an adoption in its entirety.

No - we are not booking plane tickets. Here is the two steps back. This week, our agency met with officials in Hung's province to discuss the status of the review of his dossier which they have now been reviewing for 13 months. Unfortunately, they still have concerns about whether his file needs "minutes of abandonment." These are mandated by a 2007 law, which by federal decree is not retroactive. Hung came into care in 2003 so his file does not have these minutes. Because his file looks different from the typical toddler or infant file, the province has some reservations. It is unknown whether they will permit him to be adopted. This, after 17 months of us believing this is our son and there was no legal impediment to his adoption. Very scary.

The good news is that many people within our agency and with the Holt VN staff are doing everything they can to advocate for this adoption. Dong Nai has promised we will know something certain in December. I still believe if anyone can make it happen, Holt can. I also must believe that all people are basically good and they want to do the right thing. There is a reason we were matched with this child.

Speaking to the new program coordinators yesterday, we were told that if at any time, we needed to back out due to the stress this process is causing, just say the word and no one would blame us. They must not be adoptive parents. This is our son. How can we leave him there if there is any possible chance we can bring him home? Yes, the wait has been totally draining and at times, all consuming. We are embarrassed and filled with self-loathing some days for what we feel is a failure of faith in God's plan. Some days, it is so hard to believe. But, we will not voluntarily turn away from this child until every possible resource is exhausted.

What keeps us going in large part is the support of our friends and family and those families who have or are hopefully about to adopt from Dong Nai. Other adoptive families who have faced similar or much worse challenges have also been inspiring. See the blog "Room for At Least One More" I have linked here. This incredible family and their beautiful new daughter from China are a testament to God's love and the power of faith and prayer. When I am at my very lowest some days, I turn to Leslie's blog to see how the beautiful Susannah is recovering from her open heart surgery that took place one week after she landed in the U.S. I saw this on her blog this week and it gives me hope:

Take heart, my friends who are still waiting for your referral or to travel, HE IS THERE WITH YOUR CHILD. I know you know it, but BELIEVE IT WHOLEHEARTEDLY. He is there, even through the hands and feet and hearts of His people here on earth.

You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you LISTEN TO THEIR CRY, defending the FATHERLESS and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more. Ps. 10:17-18

Friends, here is the specific prayer we ask for over the next few weeks. Please feel free to pass it along:

Father, please let the Dong Nai government and People's Committee complete the review of Hung's file and make all necessary approvals in the next 6 weeks. Please watch over Hung and let him feel the love of his forever family and not question why they have not yet come for him. Help the Duda family have patience and faith in Your plan and continue to endure the wait with grace. Please help the remaining 536 other U.S. families who have been matched with children in Vietnam and who are waiting to bring their sons and daughters home. Amen.

Why Not....

Choose to be happy?

My mother-in-law called over the weekend and when I answered the phone, told me I was very chipper. I said "what's not to be chipper about?" She then told me it was in the thirties and going to snow in Chicago where she lives. I agree - I would not be very chipper (at the time, it was about 85 degrees here).

The seemingly endless adoption journey can certainly bring you down and has brought me down many days. Somehow when I heard several weeks ago we may be facing another 6 months, I accepted it (after a few days) and have put it aside. Kind of.

There are so many false deadlines and seemingly important moments that I feel battle weary and numb. Here we sit once again waiting for a call about something that has likely already been determined. Holt VN staff met yesterday with the province officials to talk about the remaining kids who have been matched (including ours) and to talk about why there is such a delay and how much longer it will take. We are hoping it so long to schedule this meeting because the province was so busy getting ready to approve these children's dossiers and give us the final local approval we need to bring Hunter home.

At church Sunday I asked out rector to say a special prayer. His reply was, "Yes - let's pray that God's will be done. In His time." I think the message was "you can't rush it. It will happen when it's time and only God knows." So what choice do we have? We can spend so much time and energy fearing that they will tell us tomorrow that it will be 9 or 12 months, not the 6 we have not set our hearts on. Or, today we can chose to say why can't he come home by April? Why not believe, at least until tomorrow, that the local officials have been very busy finalizing our son's approval for adoption?

If it weren't for the question, "why not?" I might not have just celebrated my 6th wedding anniversary with the love of my life. In the 70s, my Dad wrote an award winning speach for Toastmasters (a public speaking club) entitled "Why Not" about how much richer life can be when you open yourself to the possibilities by asking "why not" rather than shutting yourself of from opportunity by asking "why?"

I had been divorced and a single mom for over three years when friends convinced me to try an on-line dating service. It asked 100 questions and then "matched" you with those whose answers were similar. At the top of my match list was a handsome brown haired, blue-eyed man with a magnetic smile. His chosen screen name? "WHY NOT." Of course, I had to write him. He wrote back. We met at a Borders on April Fool's day and decided to go for a walk on the beach. Yes, I informed him, my girlfriends knew where I was going and would hunt him down if I was not back in 6 hours. Jim was so nervous. I was his first post divorce date. I told him we would just spend a few hours together and not to think of it as a date. We picked up shells on the beach and I told him it was the first day of the rest of his life. A new beginning for him (never thinking I would be part of that life!). The very long walk turned in to dinner and a mutual decision to do it again soon.

Last weekend, my incredible husband planned a special anniversary. My mom lovingly agreed to watch the kids Saturday night and we saw a very funny movie (Zack and Miri) by two brothers who make some odd films (we saw one of them on our second or third date and I really questioned Jim's sense of humor!). He told me that the 6th anniversary is candy, fruit, iron and wood. Sunday morning I woke to find a box of candy in the mailbox (where someone hinted it would be!). Then my sweetheart took me to the beach for a long walk and then to my favorite breakfast restaurant for the world's best blueberry pancakes (the fruit!). Can you guess what he lined up next? We went and played a par 3 golf course (the iron and wood!). Just perfect. I thank God every day for bringing Jim into my life. He is the most incredible husband and father. He is everything a man should be and my best friend. He makes me a better me.

So, while we endure this wait, why not choose to be happy? Why not choose to believe that this adoption is meant to be and we will have our son home in 2009. Asking "why not" has worked out pretty good for me so far! :)

Video of Hunter

One of our Dong Nai families graciously brought back video from Vietnam of our son taken by the Holt staff. It was hard to watch at first because he seems so forlorn and he does not speak much or interact with anyone. But we take it as the gift that it is. Hunter is healthy, safe and looks like he is left handed! We edited it to put it here. Our son is beautiful and we want him home.

music by Steven Curtis Chapman

What Our New President Means to Our Family

A few days after the election (and a lot of sleep to catch up from watching Tuesday night's returns), I think it is necessary to post briefly about this historic election. A family on the yahoo forum for our daughter's orphanage posed the question, to what extent will our new President make a difference. Here are my thoughts:

Lily will be 4 in two months and she has been home with us since June 2006. Last night we were looking at television and talking about the fact we will have a new President. She looked and said "He is like me!" I said "what do you mean?" She responded"He is brown, just like me!" and seemed very excited about it.

For about 6 months she has been pointing out other Asian people when we see them - "Mom, they look like me!" When I told her she is tan like me,she says, "no mom! You are gray!" (I am typical blond haired, blue eyed, medium skin color Caucasian person).

I have always valued diversity. I was raised in an integrated northern suburb of NYC. I was stunned with the vestiges of segregation when I went to school in Memphis 25 plus years ago (yes, I am an older mom!). I work as a lawyer and professor where the main law I litigate is the Civil Rights Act of 1964. I am a registered independent but you can probably guess how I voted. But, no matter what my politics, as a parent in a newly multicultural family, I am thrilled we will have a President who my daughter thinks in someway is similar to her.

A young person of color was interviewed on our local TV station Wednesday and he said "Today, I feel like I have wings!" I want all my children to always feel that they have wings and that anything is possible. And, that is the difference this new President may make.

p.s. - I am so proud of Marshall. He and his best friend Max and Lily came with me to vote. For weeks before the election we have been discussing he candidates, debating the issues. We disagreed about who would best be President but we respected each others' opinions, he understands the electoral college, the importance of voting and why this election was historic.

Halloween is Here!

Welcome to our House!

The prettieist Snow White ever!

She is working it for candy!

This doesn't look like a dwarf! Its inmate brother. The consequences of not turning in 5th grade homework!

The trick or treat patrol! Maddie, Jacob, Lily and Marshall